A confession

To tell the truth, I've never really the kind of girl who tell her feelings right away.
Or tell her friends. or her parents. or even the worlds.
The thing is, my parents has told me from long ago that, some things are for yourself to keep. The thing is, now, i can't really differ which things that is for me to keep, and things that i should tell others.  I can't even figure out what should i say on twitter, line, path, or other social media. it's getting MAD.

Many different emotion boils inside my head, and many of it had never been spoken, or told, or any of that. I fear that someday, it would just explode. Right now, dreams and reality mixed in my world. I mean, i could just sit alone, doing nothing, and feel like everything around me is unreal. It's just an imagination. And, i have a lot of trouble of waking up from it and accept that all of this, all of the things around me are real.

The thing is, everytime that i wake up to reality, things just get very...slow. I don't really have a real friend around me or so. And i'm not that comfortable hanging out with people. My reality feels very hollow. It's just like simply waiting for something to come, to happen, but never really now what is that 'something' and when is 'that' something will happen. 

So everyday, my days filled with drawing, writing, and lounging around my bed. It gave me too much time to think. And when i start thinking, at the end i start dreaming. And then,... i fell again in that surreal feeling. i know, imagination is important for an artist to make some great writings and art. But too much of that could make your 'ground' slowly dissapear, and you'll end up wandering in the empty sky aimlessly for eternity. 

And, that's what i fear